Many of you know that I used to maintain a personal blog called "That I Might Have Life". To keep my life simple, I decided it might just be easier for me to continue my sporadic blogging on the website that Clay and I keep for our ministry.
One of the things we get asked a lot as we work on raising our financial support is "How long will you be doing this?" And by this, they mean working full-time to find people who will partner with us to provide the financial and prayer support we need to report to our assignment at Ohio University.
We usually respond with our faith-goal of being at 100% by January first, and our prayerful hopes for all that entails, and then move on to whatever else still needs to be discussed. It really is that simple, on the surface - we trust a big God who can do big things. Even provide 100% of our needed financial support in just 6 months!
But I, the overthinker, always find a way to be a pessimist. On the bad days, when nothing happens and we're feeling "stuck" and my heart just feels so tired, the lies creep in, and I hear the whispers. "Can you really do this? How long can you keep this up? Do you have the stamina, the faith for this kind of work?"
For the past few weeks, these lies have been a constant refrain for me. Like a catchy pop-song, but with a lot more bitterness and a terrible effect on my attitude. In the midst of this, about a week ago, we left for a 4 day conference with others who were a part of our New Staff Training "class."
While we were there, taking a much-needed break from the months of hard work, I got to spend several hours just sitting with the Lord. As I sat there, spilling my soul, months of things I neglected to say rising to the surface and spilling over, I heard the lies again.
"Can you really do this? How long can you keep this up? Do you have the stamina, the faith for this kind of work?"
But this time, I finally answered the lies.
YES! I realized something over those 4 days that I've probably needed to realize for months. I've never been more called to something in my life than I have to be a career-missionary with Cru.
God placed this call on my heart. On my husband's heart. He confirmed it through the counsel of friends, the trial of experience, and the confidence that is surfaced only through lots of prayer. We are called to this.
And as long as we are called to this, we will never, ever, ever give up. We will work full-time to raise support for the rest of our lives, if that's what it meant to get us to our assignment. We're praying for 6 months, but if it took us 60 years, I'd still do it.
I really would.
Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and being certain of what we do not see.